Bandwidth

Okay listen up people, because I’m talking.  There are going to be some changes around here.  It’s not fucking 2009 any more, and Bandwidth isn’t going to put up with your shit any more.  That’s right – you.  Sitting there lapping this shit up in between jack off sessions and the latest episode of illegally streamed Lost, you fuckers.  We want some comments on our goddamned articles, goddamnit!

[Editor’s Note: Ian this makes no sense.  You’re just abusing our readers.]

That’s right – all you people out there – I hope you sleep well at night.  I hope you sleep well knowing that Will has taken up selling insurance door to door just to keep this site running.  I know because I bought car insurance off him the other day.  I don’t even own a fucking car, that’s how good a salesman he is.

[Editor’s Note: I don’t know why I even left this in, it’s just gibberish.]

Anyway, it’s a new year and I’m taking this thing in a new direction.  Bigger and better things, as they say.  First of all, the whole ‘date’ idea is gone.  It didn’t work on any level – artistically or for my personal life – as I am still a single, depressed, unpaid hack.  So from now on I work alone, and the concept will be freer and more organic, so my creative integrity is not stifled the way it has been in the past. [Editor’s Note: WTF!?]  I also won’t be posting as often, because I’m on a 4 hour/week contract in a shop, goddamnit, and when I get home after four hours of standing behind a till ogling underage girls and eating chocolate I need some goddamned R&R.

[Editor’s Note: Actually we have cut Ian’s posting rights after an in depth review of the site’s output.  We felt his material was becoming thin and overly vulgar (see: repeated usage of the term ‘goddamn’ in this article)]

So the format will be different from now on.  Maybe some weeks I will focus on a particular movie.  Others I might talk about a gig or event I have attended.  Or I might just go off on some wild tangent, who knows?  The hope is that with less deadline pressure and a wider scope I can concentrate on creating… [Editor’s Note: Something remotely worthwhile, or at least comprehensible?]  …Yeah pretty much what he said.

And hopefully I’ll give one or two of you a chuckle along the way.  Until the next time we talk, have fun folks, and keep reading Bandwidth.  Don’t tar the others with the brush used on me – the rest of them are talented, knowledgeable, and probably good-looking people with kind hearts and friendly souls.  Man, I fucking hate them.

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