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There have been rumours of a Sopranos movie circulating for a while now.  Nothing substantiated, and I’m not in the business of spreading gossip, so if your only concern is whether or not the rumours are true you can piss off to some inane celebrity blog instead.  The rumours got me thinking, though.  And as usual, bitching.  I don’t want a Sopranos movie.  That probably makes a lot of you think I’m an idiot.
[Editor’s Note: Everyone already thinks that Ian.]
And people who know me are probably kind of confused, because I’m a big Sopranos fan.  I’ve seen every episode at least twice and I still insist it is the best TV show of all time.  I am assured that this will change when I finally delve into The Wire, and Mad Men is trying very hard to change my mind, but for now I’m still very much part of Tony’s crew.  So how come I don’t want to see a big screen adaptation then?  Simply put, because The Sopranos is not a fucking movie.

Things like The Sopranos don’t come along often.  Like a solar eclipse, it depends on a few different factors all working perfectly.  And as well as the writing and the acting and the set design and all that obvious stuff, the format has to be perfect.  If David Chase had written a novel instead of a pilot TV script it probably still would have been great, but it wouldn’t have been The Sopranos.  First of all it would have been impossible to explore so many different interconnected storylines.  That’s obvious.  But think about it – in a book, no James Gandolfini or Edie Falco or [insert Sopranos actor here].  No wacky dream sequences.  No kick ass soundtrack.  Jesus, no titty dancers!  It just wouldn’t be the same.  But now I guess you’re thinking, well you could do all that stuff in a movie, so what’s the problem?  Well I’ll tell you, because not only do I telepathically predict your arguments, I think up answers for them.

The Sopranos found its format.  That’s why it was so perfect.  And when they stopped making the show it was a creative decision rather than (as is more usual) a financial one.  The show hadn’t become stale.  They weren’t losing ratings.  They just realised that Tony’s story had found its natural point of completion and by God I was proud of the writers when they recognised that and stuck to it, rather than continuing on for (what would have been) assured success and monetary gain.  That’s integrity.  And that’s why The Sopranos is better than 99% of the shit you will see on TV.  But make a movie and they would just be forcing it.  I have no doubt that if they made it, it would be great, but it wouldn’t be honest.  If there was more to say, or more to explore, they would have made another series.  But they didn’t.  Making a movie now would be the same as if they had dragged out another series.  It wouldn’t be true to the story, and because of that, it wouldn’t be The Sopranos.  Just like The Simpsons movie was The Simpsons, but it wasn’t The Simpsons.
[Editor’s Note: What the fuck does that mean?]
I champion originality in cinema so I guess I just always want to see new ideas, rather than old ones just thrown into the microwave and nuked back to a soggy version of their previous lives.

All that being said, I have relaxed my opinions somewhat.  In the past I have done a lot of bitching about remakes and sequels, but I’m feeling very Zen these days and now I don’t mind so much.  What always pissed me off was the laziness of just leeching off the success of some other movie rather than coming up with something new.  But it struck me that this laziness doesn’t bother me so much if the remake / sequel in question is good, and also that this whole deal has been going on ever since people started telling stories.  I put up a blog about my excitement over the new Clash Of The Titans movie (badass and high camp in equal measure – gotta love it!) so I guess if I wanted to be really committed I’d have to complain not only about the fact that the film is a remake, but also about the rehashing of all the ancient myths that the film is steeped in.  And even I’m not that much of an arse.
[Editor’s Note: Really?  I’m not convinced.]
No, I’m rather looking forward to Clash Of The Titans.  And Ironman 2.  And I guess The Wolfman looks pretty good.  Hell, I even liked the most recent Star Trek movie.  So I suppose all of these remakes and sequels should be judged on their own merit.  The sad fact is, most of them are shameless cash-ins, but those that are will be obvious and phoney and no one will remember them anyway.  I’m holding fast on The Sopranos issue though.  A Sopranos movie would be like… A Godfather TV spin off.  Jesus, think of it!

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