IN STORES NOW#44: Like Statues
In Stores Now is back in business with a bunch of great acts lined up- every time we think we’ve sucked the well dry of new musical talent, a bubble comes up and shocks us, reminds us of what an amazingly talented wee bunch we all are.
Like Statues contacted me directly through the site with a link to some new tunes they had been working on – including this first one, A Journey To Speak of. I’ll tell you what I told the band – that I’ve been at this band recording malarky for a few months now, and this is one of the loveliest tracks I’ve heard in ages. Period.
The band played in a hallway – because we couldn’t fit the drum kit through the door or move the piano without re-tuning it – so this track was played across two rooms – benefitting from the reverb of the entire hallway and – well – it’s just brilliant. It took a few takes to get this right – and you can hear our relief at the end of the clip. But it was worth it. Bravo Like Statues.
[Download Video] / [Download MP3]
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Then it wouldn’t be In Stores Now unless we shook things up a bit – the guys had an unfinished experimental instrumental track they wanted to try out. Normally I’d shudder at the words “experimental”, “unfinished”.. you get the picture.. but for some reason I trusted them. Then when we spotted the location, an old shed full of noisy hollow farm equipment – it all fell into place.
Have shed will play. I humbly suggested the band played a cover of Nick Drake’s “Man In A Shed” for this one – but they didn’t know the chords. It’s open G to f5 with a capo on the 2nd fret in case you’re wondering. This did just as well though.
To finish off, another single contender – “Fracture The Facts” – with some quality bongo playing and an audience of ..er.. cows of course.
Like Statues launch their EP on 4th October in Auntie Annies in Belfast – I urge you to be there.
Camera: Will McConnell
Filmed in Lisburn, July 2010
Schoolgirl Drama
Artwork by Will McConnell.
A few weeks ago Will called a board meeting. I had been drinking since noon and showed up late with a serious case of the beer munchies.
‘What’s this bollocks?’ I asked, digging around in a pile of mini sandwiches with the crusts cut off. ‘Where are the scotch eggs and cocktail sticks with bits of cheese and pickle on them?’
‘Just take a seat please Ian,’ said Will, ‘you’re holding us up.’ I piled a bunch of cucumber sandwiches onto a paper plate and sat down. ‘Okay folks,’ started Will, ‘it’s been a long day so I won’t keep you long…’
‘What, no coffee?’ I interrupted, a little bit of chewed up bread shooting out of my mouth.
‘Jesus!’ said Will, and pressed the buzzer on his desk. ‘Madeleine can you get Ian a cup of coffee please?’ They carried on with the meeting and I tucked into the sandwiches, not paying much attention. Until Madeleine came in, that is. She’s Will’s new PA, and she’s pretty hot. Unfortunately I was in Mickey Rourke mode, and Mickey Rourke mode only ever really works for Mickey Rourke. She had a tray with my coffee on it.
‘How do you like it?’ she asked. I grinned.
‘The question, darling, is how do you like it?’ Everyone stopped talking and looked at me like I had just cut a fart. Madeleine looked uncomfortable, and I recognised that I had crossed some imaginary line.
‘I take it black, sugar,’ I said. She plopped a couple of sugar cubes into the cup and handed it to me. ‘Jesus, no!’ I screamed, ‘I meant I take it black. Sugar. I was calling you “sugar”. It’s an affectionate name for attractive women!’ She looked genuinely upset.
‘Oh, I’m sorry Ian. I’ll make you a new cup.’
‘No!’ shouted Will, ‘Just fuck off Ian, you’re holding us up. I don’t even know how you knew about this meeting. I didn’t invite you.’
‘Well I never!’
‘Don’t start with the drama Ian.’
‘No, don’t you worry William. I know where I’m not wanted.’ I stood up and put a couple of Kit-Kats in my pocket. I walked to the door and turned back to face the room. ‘By the way? Your cucumber sandwiches fucking SUCK!’ There were a few gasps and Madeleine ran out in tears. I guessed she must have made the sandwiches. Everyone just glared at me until I finally turned to go.
Paul Pilot
So a few weeks back, we brought you a session with the rather lovely Rue Royale – on tour with Paul Pilot. As promised, here’s Paul’s session.
This time, the roles are reversed and Ruth and Brookln are providing backing for Paul – first up for the heart melting “You’re The One” – and then let’s not forget the very capable and multi-talented Phil Harrison on decks for the insanely catchy “Dunno What Happened To You”. It really was a lovely tranquil day all in all!
[Download Video] / [Download Audio]
[Download Video] / [Download Audio]
These things usually happen this way – we had five minutes left over – and as the others were packing up kit and putting on the kettle, me and Paul sneaked out to record this quick track – simple, stripped down, beautiful stuff really.
[Download Video] / [Download Audio]
Filmed by Will McConnell in Belfast, July 2010
Thanks to Matthew Rodger
Top Ten Signs You’ve Made it
10. You befriend a venerable lady of classical cinema.
Don’t be mistaken, this bond isn’t one forged by nights of spiralling sexual orientation and a proclivity for drug use whilst being free from the shackles of underwear, It’s more of an avuncular relationship, or what ever the feminine equivalent of that word is. The Ladies and the Dames aren’t going to be there on the front line with you when you’re troubleshooting suitable burial spots for the Taiwanese rent boy who’s enjoyment of asphixatian in the bedroom ‘would always be the death of him’ (his mother told him countless times!) Hoewever, these stoical bastions of the silver screen will defend your honour at every given opportunity, and assure the public that you have never been anything short of a fucking saint.
9. Kanye West hates you.
He claims to have walked with Jesus, which is probably why Jesus acquiesced so pithily when the boys in blue came to arrest him. Who suffered worse from their association with Kanye West: Jesus, or Autotune? A matter for another time perhaps. Taylor Swift must’ve cursed her considerably inactive peripheral vision at the Video Music Awards as Kayne came walking (Minus Jesus- he was in the 16th row with his head in hands thinking ‘Why did I walk with that prick’) onto stage. Although it was at that moment Taylor knew in her heart she’d made it. Fin.
8. You record a song with Kanye West.
You don’t know it how it happened, but it did. You’re at the top of the charts pontificating to girls about the benefits of having a fat arse (for dancing, yo!) alongside the man who not weeks before was giving you a right dressing down. You stand beside him in front of a white backdrop in the video, ostentatiously performing an exaggerated nod to the beat of the track while he points angrily down the lens with his next victim already in mind, and your mind wanders to those happy days with your garage band when the world didn’t seem such a hellish circus of lost hope.
7. You’re barefoot often
The independant is doing a piece on your diverse acting roles. The piece is called ‘Behind The Masks: Finding the Constant of Lester Goulding.’ You meet in the lobby of the Parker Merridian Hotel. The young journalist is nervous so she’s there earlier. Fidgeting with her pen, she hears the unmistakable sound of flesh on marble, a noise she remarks silently, not unlike the sound of wet testicles against a shop window. You swan gracefully across the floor, your bare feet symbolic of your constant questioning of society’s conventions, evident in your magnificent body of work as well as your lack of footwear.
6. You develop facetious political views.
People ask your opinion on matters of grave magnitude, and you being vastly important offer up a gem like: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
5. You’re on Eastenders.FM!
The sound of mass desperation often manifests itself as perpetual cockney drone, eating at the soul until it’s rendered as vacuous as the wretched eyes that bobble in Dot Cotton’s weary sockets. The Eastender’s writers soon got wise to this existential hell and decided that an incongruous soundtrack would lift the spirits of the viewers. Careful not to lift them too much (suicidal contemplation are considered the most desirable emotion in the Eastenders viewer) they pepper smash pop hits throughout the cafe’s and bars via awful tinny radio speakers. If you find your music documenting domestic abuse, alcoholism, rape, murder, gang war and Phil Mitchell’s bizarrely prolific sex life, you know you’ve made it.
4. You press your fingers together during interviews.
This is the internationally recognized symbol of serene contemplation, which is only afforded to those who have honed there craft. Even Simon Amstell wouldn’t dare break the intense silence that accompanies this gesture if it were Al Pacino opposite him. Although it would be strange because Pacino would never appear on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, and even stranger because Amstell doesn’t present it anymore. I don’t know why but I can’t see John Cusack getting away with this gesture. Has he not made it?
3. You don’t bring a towel anywhere.
cloth or towel. Know the difference, it could save your life
…Because there’ll always be towels supplied for you. Fact.
2. People come to your gigs solely to get pished.
For this segment, I have included an extract from the (at the time of publication yet unreleased) autobiography of Liam Gallagher, an esteemed poet and philosopher of the mid 90′s:
The sky had draped a celestial canopy of reverential beauty that only increased in splendour as the desperate sun sunk to its repose beyond the horizon. I took this as an omen of good fortune and my mood was lifted somewhat by Nature’s wondrous temperament. Noel, my elder sibling in both age and contentment, expressed a similar sentiment to my own – not physically, I hasten to add: there was something in his countenance that suggested to me a serene satisfaction with how the night would inevitably proceed. With our hearts content we made forth to the performance stage, were invariably our spirits would intertwine with those who had made their way to the arena, the intoxicating camaraderie of joviality and youth fuelling their already joyful energy. I endeavoured to the front of the stage to furtively view the state of our company, and as I did I caught a glance of something cascade through the crisp night air. A bird perhaps? Surely no creature of the avian world would brave the cacophony of a bold number of men in close proximity. I put it down to a trick of the senses, and waited with ardent fervour for our lights to bask the audience in their glorious power. When the lights eventually burst forth, I almost lost my footing, as what I can only describe as Hades appeared before my eyes – Demon’s of the underworld surely had woken from their terrible slumber, and infested their foul souls into these good men before me. A wrenching, pulsating heart of indignity, pugnaciously rippling back and forth manifested itself before me. I dropped to my knees and wept, for the futile thoughts of love, kinship and peace that I had exercised seemed like knotted threads in a tragic dream.
1. You’re hanging out with Elmo.
It’s a wonder the furry magnificent bastard hasn’t been photographed at the end of a powdery white line, his endearing orange nose dusted in coke so it resembles an over-salted sweet potato, for this is precisely the sort of behaviour a celebrity socialite of Elmo’s status should be partaking in. Elmo hangs with the elite, you gots to earn that privilege. Ricky Gervais cites meeting Elmo as the highlight of his career, and if you ever find yourself rubbing furry shoulders with him, know you’ve nowhere to go from there, and you might as well die.
Fish and Tits
Guest artwork by Ian Shearer!
‘If you’ve got enough courage to make porno films go ahead and be creative about it. You’ve jumped the chasm here. “We’re gonna film people fuckin’ and suckin’.” Cool. Now go crazy, you already made the jump. You are within the dark lord’s terrain at this point. There’s no reason to get coy.’
Bill Hicks
Finally I feel like someone up there has been listening to my prayers. Actually a lot of my prayers are so lurid I very often hope there’s no one listening, but in this case I really feel like there might be a few other people in this lonely world who are actually singing from the same hymn sheet as me. (more…)
Vanwidth 2010: Willowstone
Summer rolls on and Bandwidth continues to bring you the best of the festivals from around Northern Ireland. A fortnight ago we brought you our view of the Glasgowbury Festival in the Sperrin Mountains – today, the van rolls up in picturesque South Down.
Once upon a time, it was the Innishfree festival, it was run by a small group of enthusiastic music fans – and it was like nothing else. Then in 2009, the feat was repeated, and this time it had moved to a walled garden in Delamont Country park. Willowstone Festival was born, and it was a good thing.
20 or so musicians, art installations, decent food, families running around unembarrassed – not a Diageo banner in sight – Willowstone is an original independent boutique festival run by those who care about festivals – set in the most beautiful place in Ireland. Its a sight to behold. And here’s the highlights.
Colenso Parade kick off the proceedings – lowering the tone as always. Last time we met up was on top of Belfast’s iconic big wheel structure – this time we went for a something a little more sedate.
Scorpion Jack are self styled Pirate Folk musicians. They’re currently making waves, splicing manbraces and raping our venues and pillaging our ears. Hoist the flag.
John Shelly & The Creatures – Now renamed Master And Dog - are old favourites to the Bandwidth stable – they never disappoint. In our search for venues in and around the park, we found a disparate group of fans, put outside for bad behaviour. We thought it was only right to stage a benefit gig, and promptly attempted to sneak them back in. Only fair.
Here representing the Republic of Ireland, Wicklow’s own Bocs Social finally brought a bit of class to the proceedings. Coming hotly recommended as they do, even when a particularly angsty security guard insisted on barging past us to boil a kettle for his tea, we just knew they couldn’t stop the bop.
Bored? Nothing on TV? Thank Stoke Newington International Airport for inspiration on this one. Willowstone 2010 was somewhat of a Bandwidth-extended-family affair all of a sudden when Katie & The Carnival turned up – but this incarnation of the group is nearly totally different from previous versions (apart from 2 core members) – expect new tunes, news instruments, 250% more puppets and an album in the coming months. Bandwidth is very pleased.
Oh yes and you might of heard of this lot, they’re called Cashier No.9 and everyone thinks they’re just great. Thanks then go to Pony Dance Theatre Company for enlightening us in the end, and thanks also to everyone involved in the Willowstone Festival. Long may you reign.
Filmed at Delamont Country Park, Killyleagh, July 2010
Camera/Edit: Will McConnell
Camera/Sound: Sean Duncan
Rue Royale
Chicago-Nottingham duo Ruth & Brookln Dekker are Rue Royale. They were in Belfast recently for the city’s Trans: festival, playing with another Bandwidth favourite Paul Pilot.
We caught up with them all together and filmed two wholly separate sessions. They share duties on some tracks in their set, but they’re also two distinct identities. Paul Pilot’s session will be ready in a few weeks, bu first up, two tracks from Rue Royale.
[Download "Rue Royale - Halfway Blind" for iPod (167.6 MB)]
Listen to “Rue Royale – Halfway Blind”
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[Download "Rue Royale - Walls" for iPod (221.1 MB)]
Listen to “Rue Royale – Walls”
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Filmed in Belfast, July 2010
Camera/Edit: Will McConnell
Thanks to Matthew Rodger
Imprint: Documenta 
IN STORES NOW#63: Bruce Joseph 
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The Staves 
So Long, Marianne 
Insensitivity Training 
Monsieur Le Pew 
An All Time Lowe 
