Artwork by Will McConnell.
Forgive the poor quality of this article…
[Editor’s Note: Every one of your articles should start like that.]
… but to be honest it almost didn’t get written at all. Every time I tried putting pen to paper, for the past six days, the only thing that would come out was romantic poetry about Cara Cowan. I say romantic poetry, I kind of just wrote out the lyrics to the soppiest Bon Jovi songs while slugging from a bottle of Jack. But that wasn’t even the main reason. I heard about this show in the morning of the day it was on, and immediately called Johnny.
‘Johnny I’m going to the gig at the Black Box tonight. Ever since I saw Cara Cowan on In Stores Now I have wanted to see her live. It’ll make a good This Is Not A Review, too, which is handy.’
‘That won’t be necessary Ian.’
‘What do you mean not necessary?’
‘I mean we’ve already got a Bandwidth representative covering that show,’ he said.
‘What? Who?’
‘You don’t want to know.’
‘Well now I REALLY fucking want to know.’
He paused. ‘It’s Nicola.’
It was my turn to pause. ‘You’re fucking with me.’
‘Told you you didn’t want to know. She’s just joined us and she’s got the gig. I’m sure you’ll think of something else to write about.’ And he just hung up. I reached for the bottle of whiskey and turned up the Bon Jovi.
Nicola. The only woman I ever truly loved. It was a love that was never to be though. We met when I started working for the Belfast Telegraph, and I knew I loved her from the first time I ever laid eyes on her awesome tits. Of course she was beautiful too, and seriously, seriously cool.
[Editor’s Note: Ah, that’s why it never worked out between you then…]
But she was with a senior editor at the paper, and I was just a lowly critic. My angle was to critique entire establishments based on the quality of their toilet facilities. We hung out a lot and despite the obvious chemistry, our dynamic never got past me telling her about toilets. Recommending good ones, warning against the bad ones.
[Editor’s Note: How did you know what the ladies’ toilets were like?]
God, it hurts even to think about it now. It was the happiest time in my life. But like I said, we both knew it could never happen, and eventually the pain got too much for me and one day I just didn’t go back to work. I never saw her again since then, and you know the rest. I moved on to bigger, better things with Bandwidth and tried to forget about her. And now of all the music sites in all the world, she had to start working for mine.
(more…)
04.09.10 
23.08.10 
29.08.10 
27.08.10 
13.08.10 
30.07.10 
La Faro 
Ablespacer 
